Because when you look close enough, clowns are evil wankers.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Good Thing Google Doesn't Read Meta Keywords Anymore
Because when you look close enough, clowns are evil wankers.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Using Google Advanced Operators in Discovery Work
What: Using Google's Advanced Operators in Discovery Work
Why: With hundreds of millions of pages on the internet, specifying exactly what you're looking for can save you hours of discovery work. Additionally, building your backlinks from dynamically created lists leaves no pattern for Google to trace and suspect you of link schemes, unlike if you've decided to beg your backlinks from a directory (such as dmoz) or a random blogroll, or worse, if you've decided to practice the dark art of buying links, in which case you are a Clown and need to go to Clown Jail.
Cheat Sheet
Site: (Searches only the specified domain)
Link: (Shows all links to the specified domain)
Related: (Shows sites related to specified domain)
inurl: (Specified keywords will appear in the URL of all results)
intitle: (Specified keywords will appear in the title of all pages returned)
intext: (Specified keywords will appear in the text of the page)
inanchor: (Specified keywords will appear in anchor of links to the pages returned)
~ (Pronounced “tild-uh”-- on the upper left of your keyboard. When added to any keywords, will return results for all related words. E.g. A search for “~poker” will return results for “holdem,” “card,” “card games,” “casinos,” etc.)
Remember that you can combine any of these with each other for combination effects.
Examples
Site: The "site:" operator works in two ways. In the first, you can search a site for whatever keywords you're looking for. Say you're selling pet supplies online (there's a vacuum now that Pets.com is out of the picture) and you've got a friend willing to give you a link on his blog, http://www.mykickasslife.com. However, your friend is leaving it up to you to find a relevant subpage. (Your friend isn't really a very good friend. He's a bit neglectful and is always offering backhanded insults. "It's so hard to go to local art shows after my tour of West European museums last summer. Everything is just so... gauche, n'est-ce pas? I guess you wouldn't know about that, though, since you couldn't come." You, for your part, aren't a very good friend, either. You have no idea what's on your friend's blog and have no intention of taking a few hours to go through it. So you enter this into the Google search bar:
This will return all instances of the word "pet supplies" on http://www.mykickasslife.com. However, this doesn't turn up any results because no one actually uses the words "pet supplies." (What's wrong with you? Why don't you know that? Were you homeschooled or something?) It's time to scale back your search and let Google help out. (PROTIP: Google's smarter than you and Google didn't pass out last night drinking cheap wine and watching House on DVD.) Try using the "site:" operator in conjunction with the "~" like this: 
The "~" command, like a linguistic speculum, opens up the search, allowing us to see results for "pet," but also "cat," "dog," "bird" and "animal" in order of decreasing page strength. Amazing! (And also, ew and apologies for that "linguistic speculum" thing-- that should not be a thing.)
The second way to use the "site:" operator is to limit your search to a single file extension. You can use "site:.edu" to find only EDU pages, "site:.gov," etc.
Intitle: and Inurl: So you've got your one link from your friend-- but now it's just you, a shoddy business plan and a Liberal Arts degree from a third-tier school. It's time to start discovery work. Now you're looking for sites that have written about "dog food." And let's say that you want to contact only Wordpress blogs. Why? You say that it's because Wordpress' terms of service don't allow paid links so that's better because it's like a legal condom that keeps you from catching "Google AIDS." (Your words. Ew. Also-- stay classy.) But I don't know-- I'm not the one on 25mg/day of Haldol and Lorazepam as needed just to make it through an episode of Law and Order: SVU. So here's what you do:
And suddenly, you've got 2600 relevant pages with "dog food" in the title of the page. And that's just on Wordpress alone. Happy hunting!
Why: With hundreds of millions of pages on the internet, specifying exactly what you're looking for can save you hours of discovery work. Additionally, building your backlinks from dynamically created lists leaves no pattern for Google to trace and suspect you of link schemes, unlike if you've decided to beg your backlinks from a directory (such as dmoz) or a random blogroll, or worse, if you've decided to practice the dark art of buying links, in which case you are a Clown and need to go to Clown Jail.
Cheat SheetSite: (Searches only the specified domain)
Link: (Shows all links to the specified domain)
Related: (Shows sites related to specified domain)
inurl: (Specified keywords will appear in the URL of all results)
intitle: (Specified keywords will appear in the title of all pages returned)
intext: (Specified keywords will appear in the text of the page)
inanchor: (Specified keywords will appear in anchor of links to the pages returned)
~ (Pronounced “tild-uh”-- on the upper left of your keyboard. When added to any keywords, will return results for all related words. E.g. A search for “~poker” will return results for “holdem,” “card,” “card games,” “casinos,” etc.)
Remember that you can combine any of these with each other for combination effects.
Examples
Site: The "site:" operator works in two ways. In the first, you can search a site for whatever keywords you're looking for. Say you're selling pet supplies online (there's a vacuum now that Pets.com is out of the picture) and you've got a friend willing to give you a link on his blog, http://www.mykickasslife.com. However, your friend is leaving it up to you to find a relevant subpage. (Your friend isn't really a very good friend. He's a bit neglectful and is always offering backhanded insults. "It's so hard to go to local art shows after my tour of West European museums last summer. Everything is just so... gauche, n'est-ce pas? I guess you wouldn't know about that, though, since you couldn't come." You, for your part, aren't a very good friend, either. You have no idea what's on your friend's blog and have no intention of taking a few hours to go through it. So you enter this into the Google search bar:
This will return all instances of the word "pet supplies" on http://www.mykickasslife.com. However, this doesn't turn up any results because no one actually uses the words "pet supplies." (What's wrong with you? Why don't you know that? Were you homeschooled or something?) It's time to scale back your search and let Google help out. (PROTIP: Google's smarter than you and Google didn't pass out last night drinking cheap wine and watching House on DVD.) Try using the "site:" operator in conjunction with the "~" like this: 
The "~" command, like a linguistic speculum, opens up the search, allowing us to see results for "pet," but also "cat," "dog," "bird" and "animal" in order of decreasing page strength. Amazing! (And also, ew and apologies for that "linguistic speculum" thing-- that should not be a thing.)The second way to use the "site:" operator is to limit your search to a single file extension. You can use "site:.edu" to find only EDU pages, "site:.gov," etc.
Intitle: and Inurl: So you've got your one link from your friend-- but now it's just you, a shoddy business plan and a Liberal Arts degree from a third-tier school. It's time to start discovery work. Now you're looking for sites that have written about "dog food." And let's say that you want to contact only Wordpress blogs. Why? You say that it's because Wordpress' terms of service don't allow paid links so that's better because it's like a legal condom that keeps you from catching "Google AIDS." (Your words. Ew. Also-- stay classy.) But I don't know-- I'm not the one on 25mg/day of Haldol and Lorazepam as needed just to make it through an episode of Law and Order: SVU. So here's what you do:
And suddenly, you've got 2600 relevant pages with "dog food" in the title of the page. And that's just on Wordpress alone. Happy hunting!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Lumberjack Lexicon
Because talking like a pirate is *so* over.Heart-timber: A divorce.
Slim steak: A flapjack.
Fleshwood: An erection.
Word-boot: An insult or other rejection.
Love flapjack: Emotional and/or professional support in the face of decreasing woodland and increasing environmental regulation. Freely given, with no reciprocation expected.
Mash syrup: Whiskey.
Tooth flower: In the absence of any women at logging camp, the mouth of a fellow lumberjack.
Mind axe: A keen type of discernment, used by lumberjacks to fell the "lie-trunks" of non-lumberjacks.
Branch tale: Lumberjack logic in the form of a diad of statements. One is always true and the other is always false. However, there is no small amount of ambiguity, as each encrypts a moral dilemma to which one may not want the answer. For example, "I love you and I have never tasted human blood."
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Craigslist Ad for Emily
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
My Future Kid
Jesa (no blog=no link-- sorry, guys) claims that this is a picture of my future daughter. Posting pictures of strange kids is probably going to get me a visit from the Party Van, even if all the EXIF data's gone. This is a really cute kid, though. I bet she likes to color pictures of wolves and fire. Can you imagine when she grows up and how cool she's going to look when she tells Matt that she'd be out of his league even if he wasn't too old for her? Can't wait for it.
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